Definitely on the right track, take a look at the two photos below. Arm is straighter, chest and hips are both turned much more.
As far as shallowing the downswing, I think there are two directions to try. The lead wrist gets a little cupped at the top and in transition, which could encourage more of an arm pull. So if you like backswing work/thoughts, you could try a little more trail arm straight and a more flat left wrist at the top. It would make you feel like you were ending your backswing more with your body than with your arms. Option 2, would be working on delivery position. The club would feel like it was a little more back and the hips would be a little more open. You'll see how his spine is more rotated, but his shoulders are more square (more rotated spine). I have a bunch of videos on delivery position to help you clean that up if you like that option rather than the top of the swing.
Happy Golfing,
Tyler